Discovering and Speaking The 5 Love Languages

6 Jul

My husband, Gerard, and I have been blessed with knowing many tools and concepts in the course of our being together for 14 years. I think that it would be helpful to share the concept about the 5 Love Languages.  Our experience is a living proof that this does works!

When couples like us have problems in communication in our marriage, we try to solve it by reading books or attending seminars. When we go home, we are unable to implement the principles. We just ultimately give up and go back to life as usual. 

The real problem is we forgot one simple fundamental truth: people speak different love languages. 

No matter how hard we try or sincere we are, we will never understand how to love each other. We become confused when our spouse does not understand what we are communicating. We express love but the message does not come through.

The 5 Love Languages define that each one of us have different ways of expressing our love and feeling that we are loved. 

These acts of love fill up our love tank. Our love tank is filled when our emotional needs are met.

The 5 love languages seek to express our heartfelt commitment to our mate. 

Dr. Gary Chapman, bestselling author and marriage counseling expert, define one by one the 5 love languages:

1. Words of Affirmation – you receive and express love by saying encouraging words, verbal compliments, words of praise, kind and humble words.

2. Quality Time – you receive and express love by giving your undivided attention, sharing your thoughts and feelings, listening and making conversations about events in your day, and your plans for the future. 

3. Receiving Gifts – you receive and express love by giving gifts as visual symbols of your love; it could be gifts of things, money or self. 

4. Acts of Service – you receive and express love by doing things your spouse loves such as cooking a meal, washing the dishes, changing diapers, fixing the house or computer or just keeping the house clean.

5. Physical Touch – you receive and express love by gestures such as back rubs, kissing, holding hands, hugging or back massages.


In all our years together, I have watched my husband evolve in his love language. For most of his life, his love language is receiving gifts and words of affirmation. 

His love tank is filled whenever I remember to give him gifts during our special occasions or even when there is no reason to give or celebrate. 

He also feels most loved whenever I fill him up with words of praise and encouraging words. He seems to be ‘on top of the world’ when he hears me affirm him with kind words. 

These days, his love language is quality time, as he feels loved when i spend my waking moments with him, when I accompany him to watch his favorite movies or just to jog with him in the early evening or morning. 

The couples in our small discussion care group, including me and my husband, aspire to learn to speak our spouses’ love language. 

We play the game of Tank Check. At the end of the day, we ask our spouse these questions: “How is your love tank today? How do I fill it up?”

We aim to discover ways on how best to make them feel loved. This way, we enrich and strengthen our love for each other. Choosing to speak the love language of our spouse can heal all wounds, provide a sense of security, self worth and significance.

We intend to ‘give, then it will be given to you – a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over’ (Luke 6:38). This is the principle we would like to live by in our married life.  

How about you? How is your love tank? 

What is your love language? What hurts you deeply? What makes you feel loved the most? What do you desire most of all?

What is the love language of your spouse? How do you make your spouse feel loved? 

Are you and your spouse speaking the same love language?


Blogger’s Note: I encourage you to read the New York Times bestseller book, The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Many couples have been inspired to learn simple ways to express their feelings of love and bring back the joy in their marriage. Discover what your spouse’s love language is and how to make him/her feel loved.


Life is Amazing!

LENY

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